Five-year-old Barred Plymouth Rock Hen, living in the hen house at the end of the cul-de-sac, is seeking a Rhode Island Red rooster who lives within crowing distance.
My Self Summary: Hi! I’m Blanche. I’m looking for a gorgeous mate who doesn’t sport a mullet (like the black Silky that lives in my coop), has excellent taste in plumage, and stands taller than me. I am a buxom gal with ladylike features and mixed complexion. I am proud of my full-figured body and ample breast meat. Don’t be fooled by my black and white biker-girl feathers, because the truth is, I’m more Taylor Swift than Joan Jett. And sooner or later, I will write a song about a breakup that’s my fault.
My Details: I am a Plymouth Rock—a true American patriot. My face is cardinal red and my single comb has a sassy little curve at the base. My skin color is a lovely hue of yellow and I’m told my eyes are the deep red-orange of a desert sunset. I have sturdy, scaly and rather sexy legs. My weight…I would rather not talk about. I am a prolific, year-round layer, and am often complemented on the size and golden brown color of my shells. When others ask if I get broody, I tell them it is none of their damn business.
What I’m Doing with my Life: After years of runway modeling and backyard scratching, I’ve decided to settle down, but my coop mates tell me I’m looking for love in all the wrong places…that’s why I joined Scratch.com.
The First Things People Usually Notice About Me: My wit. I tend to draw others in with my barnyard banter.
Favorites:
Quote: “I’m all that and a bag of scratch!”
Book: On my nightstand I have a copy of THE CHICKEN WHO SAVED US, starring one of my distant relatives. I highly recommend it!
Movie: Chicken Run is a coop favorite. I most identify with Ginger, the heroine who challenges a smooth-talking Rhode Island Red named Rocky. “There’s a better place out there…” has become my new mantra.
Food: I’m passionate about organic feed, watermelon rinds, freeze dried meal- worms, and I am happy to peck before marriage.
My perfect first date: would be to wake before sunrise to the sound of a handsome cockerel calling my name while dancing and flinging delicious morsels of food for me.
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8 responses to “MEET BLANCHE”
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Well, Blanche, it pays to be choosy and sounds as if begging is not your ‘coop’ of tea. Off hand, I can’t come up with a match meeting your qualifications. I’ll keep my eyes and ears open in case my path should cross with a truly worthy and eggceptional guy.
I did have the pleasure of meeting an enthusiastic chicken lover at the nail salon, of all places. She mentioned she was thigh deep in eggs from her hen house. She bragged that the quality was double AA and the size Extra Large. I suppose that is a good thing! I think I’ll ask who her girls are in ca-coops with!
I’ll keep scratching around and, if I hear of a possible mate that comes close to meeting the high standards you have so tastily set forth, I will contact you through Scratch.com. Meanwhile, keep shaking those tail feathers.
p.s. Looking forward to reading, ‘The Chicken Who Saved Us.’-
Thank you Jo-Ann! It’s slim pickings in my neighborhood, so I’m always glad to have others keeping an eye out for me. Thanks for noticing my sizable back side and full tail feathers. They really ARE my best feature. Yours, Blanche
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Not much to crow about in my back yard Blanche, but…you may find eggsactly what you are looking for on eFowl: https://www.efowl.com/product-category/live-poultry/chickens/rare-chicken-breeds/
I could not find evidence that chickens could read, but I am available by Skype, and would be happy to read my copy of “The Chicken Who Saved Us” (on advance order) to you when it arrives.
Until then Blanche, nestle in and kick back to one of my all-time favs: There Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens – Louis Jordan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGs6TDeXo8E&list=RDDGs6TDeXo8E
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Ms. Proctor, Thank you for the eggcelent list of resources for my entertainment. I will take you up on your offer for a little Skype-reading when the book comes out. I will be sure to be in touch. Until then, enjoy getting to know more of my sisters on Scratch.com! Yours truly, Blanche
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Sweet Blanche,
I’ll look forward to a future hen party. Until then, I’ll do my best to learn the pecking order of this brood of sister hens. I hope I’m not too eggscentric for them….like all the eggs I ever laid, I’m a bit scrambled at times.
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Dear Blanche, I will be up front with you. I am not a Rhode Island Red, I am a Golden Laced Wyandotte. But I am big, a beautiful red with green tail feathers. My name is Tom Pecky but don’t let the name fool ya. I have never pecked anyone. You would be an older woman for me as I am still in my first year. My human is not looking to relocate me permanently. She is wanting me to father some chicks in the spring. She would be willing to let me play coop with you for a while. I can send a picture f you are interested.
Sincerely Pecky-
Dear Mr. Pecky, Let’s be frank. I LOVE younger men. I swoon over glossy tail feathers and long, muscular legs. And oh, the spurs…don’t get me going. I would welcome a photo and a bio if you have one. I will be sure to post it on Scratch.com for all the ladies to see…but not before I have had time to welcome you to the coop first!
Sincerely, Blanche-
Dearest Blanche, I have a head shot but unfortunately I have not been able to get it to attach to this page. If you have an email I will happily get it to you. I look forward to meeting you. I also must admit that my photo doesn’t do my glossy plumage justice.
I live with two older gals and two young chicks and I have to say I loveee the older women. For some reason they aren’t as crazy about me. Maybe I’m just a little to pushy for them. It’s not that I don’t respect the hens but I am young and still learning my manners.
I’m a man of few words, what can I say, I’m a guy. But I promise to serenade you morning, noon and night❤️
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